HOW BAD IS BAD?

There are a few things about bad behavior we need to understand before we can even begin to think about stopping people from behaving badly.

It is a social construct.

There is no universal definition or description of bad behavior. It is a social construct and only exists in a social context. A social context occurs whenever a group of people are joined together by common experience, common interests or common purpose and, in order for the group to function, must establish behavioral expectations for its members. Not meeting those expectations is what that group will consider to be bad behavior.

It is incremental. 

There are three levels of bad behavior – norms, rules and laws. All three levels exist in every social context. What distinguishes one level form another in all social contexts is the type of consequence that is imposed on the person who behaves badly. Norms, rules and laws can differ from one social context to another because they reflect the values of the group that developed them and different groups can have different values.

Level 1 - Norms

Norms describe how a group wants its members to behave. Etiquette, manners, protocols, procedures, customs.... are all norms. The consequence for failing to conform to a norm is corrective action (i.e., counseling, training, an intervention, a behavior contract, etc.) and its intent is to change bad behavior. 

Level 2 - Rules

Rules describe behavior that the group does not permit. Codes of conduct, ordinances, regulations, requirements, policies, and all misdemeanors.... are rules. The consequence for breaking a rule is punishment (i.e., a fine, a public lashing, extra duty, suspension of benefits or privileges, sanctions, etc.) and its intent is to control bad behavior. 

Level 3 - Laws 

Laws describe behavior that the group finds absolutely unacceptable. Infidelity, sacrilege, cheating, and all felonies are laws. The consequence for violating a law is removal from the group (i.e., disowned, divorced, expelled, fired, excommunicated, exiled, imprisoned, executed, etc.) and its intent is to eliminate bad behavior.

It is learned. 

Like all behavior that is not inborn and instinctive, bad behavior must be learned by following instructions, by mimicking what one sees and hears or by trial and error.

It is willful. 

With the exception of mental illness, which can produce bad behavior over which a person has no control, behaving badly is a choice people make.

It meets a need. 

When people choose to behave badly it is because doing so gives them something they want or need.

These understandings lead us to the first step in trying to stop a person from behaving badly. This step requires that we determine the answers to the following basic questions.

1. What social context are we dealing with? Is the person who is behaving badly doing so in a family setting, at school, at work, as a member of a profession or a religion, as a citizen of a city/ state/nation, etc.?

2. What level of behavior are we dealing with? Is the person failing to conform to a norm, breaking a rule or violating a law, and if so, which one(s)? 

3. Where did they learn this behavior? Was it as a child from their parents and they have always behaved this way or did the bad behavior start recently after some significant event in their life?

4. Do they have a mental illness that would produce this kind of behavior or are they choosing to behave badly?

5. If they are choosing to behave badly, what are they getting out of it? What need or desire is it meeting? 

The answers to these questions will give us a relative sense of how bad the behavior we are dealing with is, as well as, provide us with a mental map, which, like a road map, can help us find a route from where we are (a person behaving badly) to where we want to go (that person no longer behaving badly). 

Stopping people from behaving badly is never easy, sometimes impossible, and always gratifying and worth the effort when it works. It is also absolutely essential that we keep trying, that we learn from our mistakes, and that we get better at it because, if we don’t, we are eventually and most assuredly going to wipe ourselves off the face of planet Earth.